Terrible Music Videos

Hey,

It’s been really fun this week to log on Blogger to see how many views the review of Beecher’s Fault has been getting. I’m super excited by the turnout and hopeful for the band. You guys are cool and you have an awesome set of fans! J

So, this week I’m writing about music videos again. I’ve highlighted a bunch of good ones, but I’ve never done any terrible ones. It was hard to narrow down the list, but I came up with two/three recent ones and a throwback.

Wild Ones by Flo Rida Ft. Sia
Ah, yes, my favorite rapper, Flo Rida. Or as I call him, Florida. I’m kidding; I don’t like his music. I do, however, respect Sia quite a bit, though I wonder if this is truly making her happy. She’s making money, but is this considered selling out? If we’re going to argue that she sold out, shouldn’t we argue that Gotye and Fun, most recently, sold out? I digress. Okay, so the music video is ridiculously tame. For such a “wild” music video, with a notably absent Sia, I expected more than…this. With 102, 952, 772 views, I assumed this might be okay. Never assume with these people. Just a word of advice from a teenager. J These “wild” things: he skydives while making crappy gang signs (Isn’t he such a wild guy!), he raps with two mildly attractive women on either side of him while going down a body of water, he drives a car, he does a nice promotion for Nokia and BMW, he rides a motorcycle, he dances in a club, he drinks, he drives a bunch of vehicles, and takes his sunglasses on and off. Yeah, Flo, really wild.

Payphone by Maroon 5. I can’t hate this song, as much as I try. It’s stupid, simplistic, and really annoys me, but I don’t know what it is. Ugh. But, the music video was just plain stupid. The first time I saw it I was watching E! News with my mom (we never watch it, but we were bored that night) and we sat there laughing at the sheer stupidity of it. It was so stupid. The song’s about a failing relationship. But, do we show that in the music video? Nope. We have a robbery. Yes, nothing says “Oh, no, our relationship isn’t what it used to be” like robbing a bank. Adam (the lead singer) steals a car, runs from the police, and looks awful in a pair of creeper glasses. I have nothing more to say except it’s dumb. I honestly think their (being Maroon 5) music videos have gotten really dumb. The music video for “One More Night” is another big fail. Again, the song is about a bad relationship, how he needs to leave, but won’t. Do we show that? Nope. This time, Adam (the lead singer) is a boxer, who trains and competes too much, doesn’t pay attention to his wife and eventually she leaves him. Where’s the connection here? The lyrics: “Got you stuck on my body like a tattoo/so I cross my heart and I hope to die/ that I’ll only stay with you one more night/ I know I’ve said it a million times/try to tell you no/ but my body keeps on telling you yes/ Try to tell you stop/ but your lipstick gets me so out of breath/ I’ll be waking up feeling satisfied but guilty as hell.” See the boxing connection? Me neither.

When I Grow Up By the Pussycat Dolls  I know that this song is old (3 years, to be exact) but it still cracks me up when I think about how terrible this music video is. I mean, honestly, do you get any dumber than starting a music video featuring all the members stuck in rush-hour traffic, clad in nothing more than leather and lingerie? It’s like, hm, let’s forget about the music and emphasize the girls’ goodies. Nicole (the brunette lady who’s hogging the camera) is practically falling out of her shirt. That’s called selling bodies, not music. So, then what happens? Well, these girls decide, “hey, we have some time to kill. Let’s hop out of the car!” Instead of what should have happened (where everyone screams “Hey, get back in your car.” Honk honk) people just smile. I bet their clothes have nothing to do with everyone’s unnatural happiness. Then, these idiots decide to climb on the cars. Yes, nothing says fun like slinking across cars. Oooh, it gets better. They dance on the cars! Ha, what a revolutionary idea! Sounds like fun. Until you’re arrested. Maybe their outfits are magical; police officers know not to arrest these girls. I don’t know, just a theory. The rest of the music video shows them strutting down the sidewalk, climbing on a construction site, they have a really awkward, badly placed dance break, and they sing the chorus a gazillion times. Same story, different girls. I know they were trying really hard to be sexy, but I think they did the opposite. They just looked desperate…for many things. Money, especially. Speaking of which, I wonder how much money they spent on that music video. It could not have been cheap. Rather boring music video for such an “amazing” (that’s sarcasm) song.

Until next week,

Bella

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